Choosing him every time

Unschooling ADHD Children: Home Education in the UK with Linsey Biggs

What happens when your child’s crisis becomes the doorway to understanding your own? In this episode, Dr Emma Offord is joined by Linsey Biggs, full-time parent carer to three children and the voice behind Unschooling Stanley. Unschooling ADHD children and other neurodivergent kids means stepping outside the mainstream education system entirely—and for Linsey’s family, it was survival, not a plan. After eight years of building a life without school, Linsey shares what it actually takes to unlearn the belief that children need to be shaped, managed, and made ready for adulthood.

The slow build to crisis point
Linsey’s eldest son Stan showed signs of distress from three years old, refusing preschool and struggling with transitions long before school became impossible. By the time he entered reception, the anxiety had built into something unbearable: he wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep, and lost the ability to play or find joy in anything. The year leading up to taking him out of school was not just emotionally devastating for Stan—it was physically unwell, marked by repeated illness, fatigue, and a child who looked, as Linsey describes it, like he had no life left in him.

Why “he’s fine once you’re not there” is so damaging
Teachers kept telling Linsey that Stan was “fine” at school, that his anxiety was only triggered by her presence, that once she left, he settled. This narrative is one of the most harmful things a parent can be told, because it invalidates both the child’s experience and the parent’s witnessing. Linsey now knows—and Stan has confirmed—that adults in the school were lying, whether intentionally or through misunderstanding. The message to parents is clear: if you’re seeing distress, you’re the problem, not the system.

Recognising her own ADHD and school trauma through her son
As Stan struggled, Linsey began to recognise patterns in herself she’d never understood. She too had been a school refuser, a child who couldn’t concentrate, who was labelled a rebel for not conforming. She came out of school with qualifications, but she doesn’t believe any of that came from school itself, it came despite it. Through Stan’s journey, she finally had language for her own experience: ADHD, school trauma, neurodivergence. What she’d survived as a child, she could not allow her son to endure.

The wobbles that come with stepping outside the system
Taking Stan out of school wasn’t a confident decision made from a place of certainty. It was survival. Linsey speaks openly about the wobbles - the months of doubt, the judgment from those around her, the fear that she was making a catastrophic mistake. These wobbles come thick and fast when you step outside what everyone has been taught to trust. But holding onto her “why”- protecting her child—kept her steady through the uncertainty. Even now, years in, she acknowledges that this path requires constant trust in something that looks radical to everyone else.

Why school trauma isn’t recognised in the DSM
School trauma is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, which means it’s not officially diagnosable. But trauma is, and trauma can happen anywhere - including in spaces society tells us are the safest places for children. This gap in language means families describing their child’s experience of school as traumatic are often met with denial or minimisation. The system insists the child will be fine, even as the child tells their parent they want to die. For Linsey and Emma both, raising this voice has become essential advocacy work.

The knock-on impact on the whole family
The stress of trying to make school work affected not just Stan, but Linsey’s marriage, her youngest child’s nervous system, and her own mental health. Linsey was dysregulated, depressed, anxious, and felt like she was failing at everything. When you’re holding a child in crisis while also holding yourself together, the impact ripples through every relationship and every part of family life. It wasn’t just Stan who needed recovery—it was the whole family system that had been thrown into survival mode.

Moving from school at home to true unschooling
Linsey’s first instinct was to replicate school at home: structure, curriculum, lessons. But she quickly learned that what her children needed was something entirely different. Unschooling ADHD children, in particular, means honouring their need for autonomy, self-directed learning, and trust in their own curiosity. Her middle son, who has never been to school, learns through sport, through play, through the things that bring him life. Her youngest thrives without any formal schooling. The shift from “school at home” to true unschooling was the shift from control to trust.

What she’d say to a parent standing where she once stood

To parents watching their child fall apart at school, Linsey’s message is this: believe your child. Believe what you’re witnessing, even if the school tells you it’s normal, even if people around you say you’re overreacting. If your child is truly struggling - not just a little bit, but showing signs of trauma, dysregulation, loss of self - then nurturing them to be well, truly well, is more important than any academic outcome. Your child already knows themselves better than any system can teach them. Your job is to protect that, not to reshape it.

Linsey’s voice is honest, unpolished and full of love. She doesn’t offer a formula. She offers proof that a different way is possible, and that the wobbles are worth holding through.

Follow Linsey on Instagram: @unschoolingstanley.